Tired, tired, tired...

Today was interesting and exhausting... I decided I would make some extra money for our family by taking in another child. I watched a 9 month old today. It is amazing how much it altered our day. He crawled everywhere, put everything in his mouth, and needed to be watched like a hawk. While he was a good baby and didn't cry much, the boys were definitely affected. Preston closed himself in his room, said he was sad and said that the baby couldn't come in. Aidan told me in the evening that he was upset that I didn't pay attention to him like I did to the baby. While he took 2 naps, those naps were used to do homeschooling. We did not have time to play while he was here. After he left at 4, the boys and I sat down and played a game of Harry Potter Clue. Then, time for dinner and a trip to the grocery store.

What I realized today is that homeschooling is so much work and I really probably cannot take on more responsibility. With housework, cooking, homeschooling, errands, doctors and dentists and various appointments, my schedule is crammed full. Perhaps a summer gig with an older child will work, but I don't have a lot of free time as it is. And, when I had him on my hip, Preston was on the floor. It is still his hip. Silly? Perhaps... but, he is my baby until I get pregnant. I don't want another person's baby to usurp that position.
I will give it a good solid week- until next Friday- and see how I feel.

Need to pull out that denim jumper...

So, I am attending my very first homeschool event today. I do not know many homeschoolers who are normal, save for my high school friend, Barbie. I know there are many who are still cool, but whenever I meet one they seem to be a bit off.
When we went to Gymboree last week, I met a homeschooling woman with her five kids...wearing- a bonnet and a prairie type dress. So, needless to say I am a bit curious to see if I will fit in. I do not own a denim jumper or a modest...anything. Nor will I. EVER.
It is like high school all over again, although I don't even know if I want to fit into the crowd. I am going for Aidan, not for myself. It just seems a bit surreal... I always thought of myself as someone who would drop her children off at school, grab a Starbucks, and have a bit of a break at home or at a job.
Now, my days are nothing like that. They are NEVER quiet. Preston has decided napping is no longer for him and likes to make as much noise as possible as I try to teach Aidan about space, Hammurabi, and how to become a better reader. I wake up, spend all day with them, and then crash after they go to sleep.
I often wonder how much I am helping versus how much I am losing my mind. I KNOW that our public school is not the answer, but sometimes as my patience is wearing thin I question my decision.
I miss going to school, having a life, having conversations with people. Now I talk to my children, sometimes my mom, my husband, and my sis. I do not know a lot of people, do not get out often enough, and have become Mommy. Not Eva....just Mommy. Mommy. MOMMMY!!!! He took my toy, MOMMMMMY!
Don't get me wrong, I have good and bad moments. When I see the boys play nicely, when I experience them having fun, learning, being silly I love it. I guess some days I am so tired. I miss being Eva.
Unfortunately, making any friends at a homeschool group won't cure that. There, I will just be Aidan and Preston's Mommy. Perhaps I'll grab a Starbucks on the way. And some earplugs.

New Year, New Resolutions...

So, it is a new year once again. Happy 2010! It is the time to make resolutions, although whether or not one will be able to maintain the resolution after the first week is a different story. So, I am attempting to make and keep some resolutions, because we should all strive to become better people. So, here are mine:
1.) Get organized!!! I feel as though I do not have a firm grasp on paperwork, books, and the nursery. The rest of the house is not too bad, but I need a better system. This includes organizing the hundreds and thousands of pictures I have. Daunting, yes. Rewarding? Definitely.
2.) Be on time. This is hard. I seem to always arrive 10 minutes late, at least, wherever I go.
3.) Walk my dogs every day. Since we have a fence, it is so easy to let them use the backyard, let them in, and forget they need to use their muscles. I will start with at least once a day and move up to twice once the habit is formed. Right now, I walk them but not daily.

So, these are the main ones. If I can think of more, I'll add to my list. Wish me luck!

Oh, and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!